Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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