I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
