I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
