He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My penis needs a shock collar
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
