Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
