Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
