I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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