You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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