You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
