There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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