Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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