can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
