don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
