So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
