Kiss
Puke
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
