yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
