Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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