i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
