If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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