I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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