so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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