hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
