bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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