chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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