well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
