Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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