I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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