You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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