Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
