enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
