Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
