paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
