the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
