I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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