if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
