um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
smell my finger.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
