I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
