Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
