one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
