Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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