true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
