Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
