Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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