he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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