She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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