just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
