But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
