He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
