you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
