I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
it's like iHOP with fire
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
