I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
