just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
