He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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