Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
