I got chris browned last night
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
